Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
