you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
