Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
