I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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