Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
