you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
