just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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