About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
