There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
