you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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