If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
