I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
People in love make me want to vomit
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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