Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
your room smells of hookers.
And success
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
