I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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