why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
