I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
