Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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