$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
