i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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