girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
