I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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