i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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