I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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