can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
