I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
