I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
