how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize