it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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