I love black thongs
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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