I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
two words...techno handjob
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
