dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
