put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
