I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
