is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
