the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize