Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
