it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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