Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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