Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
