marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
