3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
