so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
