apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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