Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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