She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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