I accidentally had phone sex last night
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
