Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
