I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
