Yo dont text me then not text me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
