If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
