i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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