Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
