Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
