on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
