I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize