I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
