he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
