I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize