so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
