hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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