I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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