Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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