so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
